R.I.P., Wayde Sims

I have a lasting impression from the last time I worked with the LSU basketball team a few weeks ago.  We were in the film room, and I was leading them through a mediation session. At the end of the session, I asked them to open their eyes.  When I looked up, Wayde Sims was looking directly at me, smiling.  It wasn't just a regular run of the mill smile.  It was a full-on, ear to ear toothy grin. I couldn't tell if he was happy about something or just really amused.  For a second, I even thought he may have been goofing on me.  I didn't think much of it at the time.  In fact, I was just delighted that he seemed to be in such a good place. I sat there for a second, and then smiled back at Wayde.  I nodded my head to him in silence.  He nodded back. 

 As I looked back at Wayde, I remembered thinking what a nice, handsome young man he is.  He had worked hard all off season, transforming his body and refining his game. His coaches were elated with his tremendous progress. The Baton Rouge media had just quoted LSU's Coach, Will Wade, about how much Wayde was going to be a major contributor this upcoming season.  This is a huge deal for the hometown boy, who was born and raised in Baton Rouge and enjoyed his status as a LSU legacy, as his father played years before for this same program.  At 20 years old, Wayde was on the top of the world.  He was a scholar-athlete expected to play a major role on a nationally ranked team, wearing jersey number 44- the same number his father, Wayne, wore years earlier. 

This all ended yesterday. A wave of nausea and sorrow ran through my body when I woke to the horrific news yesterday morning that Wayde had been shot in the head and killed in Baton Rouge.  Today we found out that another 20 year old has been charged in this gruesome murder. Reportedly, Wayde was defending a friend when the other young man shot him.  Two young lives are now ruined over a seemingly senseless altercation outside of a college fraternity party.

Sadly, this type of news is becoming the norm.  We live in a violence-obsessed culture where we are becoming desensitized to these types of stories.  This particular story hits close to home for me, because I knew the victim, and it deeply effects people I care about.  I can only imagine the intense pain his family, teammates, and coaches are feeling right now. 

I do not think that there is one simple solution to curb the violence in our society.  There is no quick- fix panacea.  Sadly, I do believe that we are raising a generation of young individuals who are becoming increasing unable to put some space between their impulses and actions.  The Dali Lama stated that the answer may lie in the teaching of mindfulness, "If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”

We are living in an accelerated culture where we expect everything to come to us in a flash.  In essence, we expect instant gratification.  It is rare that we sit and process our difficult emotions these days.  We would rather pull out our electronic devices and numb ourselves mentally and emotionally instead of contemplating the experience we are dealing with in the present moment. In our "culture of comfort," we react impulsively instead of responding thoughtfully.

Sitting for a few minutes every day in meditation builds our self-awareness by making us observe our thoughts and emotions.  By doing so, we learn more patience for ourselves, thus building our self-compassion.  Once we have self-compassion, our capacity for having compassion for others increases exponentially. 

Is meditation the only answer for violence like this in the world?  I doubt it.  I do, however, believe it could be a start in the right direction.

I return to Baton Rouge in one week for my next monthly trip to work on mindfulness training with the LSU basketball team. When I look up and see Wayde's empty chair in the film room during our session, I will be sad. That infectious smile of his will be missed....Rest easy, number 44. Godspeed.

Traffic Jam

                      

                                   'You are not stuck in traffic. You ARE traffic.”-Anonymous

Is there anything worse than being stuck in a traffic jam?  Few things in life are more stressful.  Heavy traffic can often bring out the worst in us.  Do you ever notice how one minute you can be in your car happily singing to the radio and the next moment you are enraged at the driver who is driving too slowly in front of you or furious at the person who almost ran you off the road with his reckless NASCAR wanna-be driving style? In a matter of seconds, you go from being happy to turning into the Hulk?

How about when you are running late on your morning commute and you get stuck behind a very slow moving log truck or school bus?  How do you feel?  Do you ever realize that the little voice in your head (your ego) automatically labels almost anyone driving slower than you an “idiot” and anyone driving way too fast for your tastes a “jerk” (or worse)?

Do you ever notice the emotions and physical sensations that may arise from driving in a traffic jam or in a heavy traffic morning commute?   Perhaps you get caught by a stop light.  In any other circumstance, you’re a mild-mannered friendly individual, but this particular traffic light turning red at this particular moment is going to make you late to an important meeting with your boss.  You stomp on the gas to pass the light, but then you hesitate as it turns yellow, realizing you aren’t going to make it.  You freeze for a second, then you slam on the break and your over-priced venti cup of coffee spills all over your brand new outfit.  Forgetting your kids are in the back seat, you unleash a stream of profanities.  You can feel your heart beating out of your chest. Your palms are sweaty.  Your kids, who are frightened, are now crying. How does this happen? One minute you are singing Maroon 5 to the radio at the top of your lungs without a care in the world, and everything is hunky dory.  The next minute you are slamming on the break, dropping F bombs in front of the kids, and hating life in general!

 Your blood pressure is rocketing up and your heart rate is through the roof.   What are you going to do?  You need to drop your kids off to school and rush into work to make the meeting on time, but then this light has the audacity to turn red!   What’s going on here?  If this is how the first hour of your days starts off, can you imagine how the rest of your day is going to be? 

Even if you live in an urban environment where you take the subway and don’t have a morning drive to work, you get the picture.  You know what I’m talking about.  This is how many of us live, subservient to our thoughts and emotions.  There is a better way to live.

The truth is that our minds are wonderful “devices” for assisting with our survival but they are terrible at making us happy.  We have these things that occupy the streets of our minds called thoughts, and just like cars and other vehicles traveling like mad on morning commutes on superhighways, our thoughts dash in and out and often congest the roads of our minds.  Outside in the real word there is always some kind of commotion coming from traffic.  Our inner-traffic is no different- so much confusion and noise, always speeding through our minds.  Guess what?  You are never going to stop the traffic on the highway.  The same holds true for the traffic in your head.  You are never going to stop it.  However, you can learn to deal with it. 

Jon-Kabbat Zinn, the godfather of western mindfulness, has a wonderful quote about thoughts,” You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”  Let’s take a look at our minds, the way or thoughts work, and how to deal with the waves/traffic.

Scientists have long debated and disagreed over how many thoughts we have during a twenty-four hour period.  Estimates usually range from 50,000- 70,000 thoughts per day.  If we go with the assumption that we have 70,000 thoughts per day, that averages to about 49 thoughts per minute. I don’t believe there is any way to know that exact number, but for argument’s sake, there is a ton of traffic circulating around your mind and honking for your attention at any given time. 

Do you ever notice that the vast majority of your 49 thoughts per minute are either centered ruminating in the past or worrying about the future?  Typically, we are fixated quite a bit with what we perceive is “just around the corner.”  Most of the time, we spend time worrying about things that never happen.  This is because our minds are wired to protect us from these perceived threats.  We were created (or programmed) with a survival instinct called the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response.  This was helpful when we lived in prehistoric hunter and gather communities, not so much in today’s sedentary digital age.  We have a physical response (rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, etc.) and mental response (racing thoughts) to any perceived threat.  This was helpful in prehistoric days when a violent tribe was attaching our huts, not so much when we are on our morning drive to work in our Prius. 

Instead of dwelling in the past or obsessing about the future, our true happiness lies in our ability to be fully engaged in the present moment.  If you think about it, the past is dead, and it’s not coming back.  Dwelling in the past is like chaining a dead animal to your foot and dragging it around.  Why on earth would you do this?  Furthermore, the future is usually just a fantasy. Why would you want to hang out there? As we learned from Marty McFly in Back to the Future, nothing good happens there.  

The present moment is the only reality you have.  The whole essence of mindfulness is about getting stuck in the present moment.  Mindfulness is about living in the present moment without judgement (or as little judgement as you can have). Living in the present moment does not mean you ignore the past and the future.  By all means, you learn from the past and you plan for the future.  However, you do not need to be a slave to either the past or the future in the highways of your mind. 

The first step to becoming mindful in my approach is not meditation (We will get to that in future chapters).  The first step is to start THINKING ABOUT YOUR THINKING.  This begins with the way in which we see our thoughts. Descartes uttered the famous lines, 'I Think Therefore I Am.' From a mindfulness perspective, I don’t like this quote.  Anyone can and does think.  The key is knowing when not to think and to not be bossed around by the constant traffic in your mind.

The first step in learning to slow down the traffic in your mind is to start seeing your thoughts as MENTAL ACTIVTY, NOT ABSOLUTE TRUTHS.  Say it over and over in your head; “Thoughts are mental activity, not absolute truths.”

Just like running and jumping are physical activities, thoughts are mental activity.  It is important to realize that you are not your thoughts.  Start seeing yourself as the observer of your thoughts.  Getting in the habit of doing this will enable you to ease much of the suffering from your anxious and self-doubting thoughts.

It is important to note that you will always have anxious and self-doubting thoughts to some extent.  It is the ego’s job to do this.  Remember, the mind is good at protecting us from perceived threats, but not so good at making us happy.  Don’t hate the ego; just bring awareness to what it is saying.  By “calling it out,” it dissipates and the voice will eventually stop. By being able to stop it after a while, we don’t ruminate in it and become enslaved by our negative thoughts.  This enables us to make more mindful/rational decisions. 

Realize that there is a difference between simply acknowledging what our ego is saying at any given time and trying to mentally resist what the ego is saying.  Have you ever tried NOT to think about something?  What happens?  It makes you think about it more!   Mental resistance will only make negative thoughts stronger.  Instead of trying to fight what is going on in your mind, bring gentle awareness to it and acknowledge what it is saying. 

Bringing awareness to what is going on in your mind also brings you back to the present moment.  Instead of getting stuck in your thoughts and going down the deep, dark rabbit holes of the past and the future, you are alert and thriving in the present moment.  You can actually function in the present moment, unlike the past of the future. 

Don’t stop with just bringing awareness to your thoughts.  Also do it with your feelings and emotions as well.  In this regard, mindfulness will help you develop better emotional intelligence.  When you get angry, acknowledge it. Say to yourself, “I’m mad,” and deal with it, instead of blowing up at something or someone.  It’s better to acknowledge a feeling or emotion instead of blowing up or over-reacting and regretting your actions later.  Do it when you are sad, mad, scared, jealous, etc. Make it a habit. You will be able to unclog much of the traffic in your mind this way, and it will get you back into your destination: the present moment.

Next time when you are running late and you get caught by a traffic light (either real or imagined), take a moment to get centered and back to the present moment by trying Dr. Elisha Goldstein’s S.T. O. P. practice:

S:  stop what you are doing

T: take a breath (or several)

O: observe what is going on (both inside and out)

P: proceed

Radio interview on mindfulness work with LSU Hoops (104.5 ESPN, Baton Rouge)

http://1045espn.com/off-the-bench-7-6-17-hour-1-2-3-3-4-3-2-2-4-3-2-3-2/

LSU

(The nature of my work with teams and individuals is private.  I make a practice out of not discussing this work with others, unless a client tells me to address it publically or if it is mentioned by a subject in the media. So it is rare that I'll discuss specifics- only generalities.)

I taught my first session with the LSU basketball team this past weekend. I look forward to going back to Baton Rouge monthly to work with the team.  This is my third opportunity to work with a Will Wade team (UT- Chattanooga and VCU previously).  Coach Wade is a master at building and maintaining a wining culture everywhere he's been. From Pete Maravich to Shaq, Tiger Nation takes much pride in their storied hoops tradition.  However, in recent years, there hasn't been much to cheer about.  This is about to change, as  the turn-around of the LSU basketball team is in full-effect.  I'm grateful to be able to play a small part in this.

JeQuan gets it

I had the pleasure of working with the VCU men's basketball team the past two seasons.  Under Coach Will Wade's leadership, we implemented and facilitated a mindfulness training program for the players.  It was a wonderful experience. VCU's point guard for those two seasons was JeQuan Lewis.  As JeQuan begins his foray into professional basketball, it is rewarding to see that he is still using the techniques we stressed at VCU.  He gets it.  Kudos, JeQuan!    

 From a Richmond news station:

rest and recovery & a new kind of streak?

Doing anything intentional over the course of 922 days is not easy.  One of the primary reasons I started the run streak on 11/27/2014 was to strengthen my mental discipline.  While I don't think I was necessarily lacking mental stamina, I believe it's something you can never have enough of.

It has now been over a week since I have run or exercised. Not being able to do something you are used to doing every day feels weird. However, my body seems to be healing.  While my knees are a bit creaky (and will continue to be), my foot seems better. While I'm chomping at the bit to exercise, I'm holding myself back to let my body mend itself. I'm hoping to heal enough so I can run with my friend, Will Wade, while I'm down in Baton Rouge the end of this week working with his LSU basketball team.

While the very wise Sakyong Mipham stated in his book, Running with the Mind of Meditation, that "Running is running, and meditation is meditation," he does express the sentiment that these two activities support one another.  To achieve optimal harmony, I believe that motion is good for the body, just as stillness nourishes the mind. Simply stated, I see running as an extention of my meditation practice.  It enables me to clear my mind (or at least see what's on it). I don't listen to music when I run, and I prefer not to wear my GPS watch, unless I'm running in an unfamiliar place. As with meditation, I often focus my awareness on my breath when I'm running.  Sometimes I will focus on the sound of my feet hitting the ground as they play out a rhythm.  Other times, I'll time this sound with a mantra- I'll say to myself  "Mind-Body-One" over and over to the rhythm of my foot strike.

Friends have asked me if I will start another running streak.  I have no intention of doing this.  My goal is to be able to run again a couple of days per week without pain.  A significant part of a mindfulness practice is to learn to separate one's self from the ego. After running injured for about six months, I have realized that I wasn't enjoying running anymore.  I was simply doing it to keep the streak going.  This was ego-driven.  Often there is great power in simply "letting go", especially things you have no control over.  

 While the run streak may be over, a new one has started.  I have always strived to keep my meditation practice consistent. I'm happy to report that as of this morning, I have not missed a session in 80 consecutive days.  A new streak begins.    

Postscript: I can't recommend the Insight Meditation Timer app highly enough.  It's great and free.

My run streak ended today after 922 days

"One man's obsession is another man's dedication."- anonymous

You can learn a lot about yourself and life in general after running every day for 922 consecutive days. Over the years, through running and meditation, I have learned to listen to my body.  When I woke up this morning, my body told me that my run steak should end.  I obliged. 

I started this journey on November 27, 2014.  It was documented in the New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/23/sports/ncaabasketball/virginia-commonwealth-coach-leads-by-example-one-mile-at-a-time.html?mcubz=0&_r=0

I consider running to be a part of my daily meditation practice.  Like with meditation, I often focus on my breathing when running. This enables me to see and feel the mind/body connection.  On a good run, I feel utter joy. On a bad run, I just hurt. During the past few months I've been experiencing more bad runs than good ones.

As my body heals during the next few weeks, I hope to rekindle my joy for running. On a deeper level,  I have come to the realization that there is great power in letting go of things that don't serve you anymore.  Running does not define my sole identity, but it is important to me.  It always will be. 

Postscript
I take great pride that this streak has inspired other friends to start their own run streaks.  I know they will carry on.  Streak on, brothers:  Coach Will Wade (LSU), Coach Jamion Christian (Mount St. Mary's), Coach Jodie Smith (Alabama State), and Rick Hemingway (my fellow Ironman Sherpa)!